Water, water, everywhere.....

Just got back from Orcus Island, one of the San Juan Islands. Thinking back on what draws me back to that island I think it must be the water. It is about as close to the water as I get and I love it. The ferry ride over, the view of the water, building a fire on the beach.

Speaking of water, we shut off the water here at the house just to be safe this time only to come home to a flooded laundry room and tiles buckled and warped. I was just dreading unpacking the food for 6 people after 5 hours on the freeway but instead we were ankle deep in wet towels and moving heavy appliances around trying to mop up and dry the subfloor.

Windows open, fans on, 24 hours later we are ready to glue the tile back down.

What happened? All we know is the new washer was full to the brim with cold clear water and I had not turned it on before leaving. Maybe some sort of reaction to the sudden loss of pressure?

If you know about these things please comment, we don't want to repeat this!

Bye Bye Baby

We dropped off our youngest daughter at the airport tonight to fly by herself on a red eye flight to study in Mexico for a month.


I don't know why my daughters are so independent! I have told them all the horror stories of young women traveling alone and yet they plan these trips to foreign countries by themselves and expect me to be happy for them. They usually have a pretty good plan once they get there that includes host homes or other people but I hate putting them on that plane alone.


They are of age now and save up their money for these adventures plus work for their tuition so I ask God to go with them and watch out for all the things that we parents know could happen esp to a young woman traveling alone. My mother worried about me at that age but at least I traveled with other people.

I have decided they have inherited their grandmother's genetics, both of which had more confidence than good sense at times. I know it isn't my genetics because I like to travel with people I know...I am terrified of being alone in this world. I also think it is just plain unwise for anyone to travel alone unless it is really necessary.

If all goes as planned I will get a call sometime tomorrow from her. This is her year to travel so if you want to live with a host family in Mexico and study Spanish and later this year travel and study in Scotland, Ireland, and England go to her new travel blog on my links; http://www.atimetotravel.blogspot.com/

The last glowing ember

I had to let go this last week of my childhood home. My Mom stayed in our family home almost until the very end of her life and refused to size down or get rid of anything into her 87th year of life.

She used to say to me, " It will be you kids' problem when I'm gone" and laugh.

Well it is our problem but I don't think she could have imagined how much pain and grief it has added to her death this April.

Instead of grieving the letting go of my childhood home and things like her biscuit mixing pan and cake plate, and other sentimental pieces over a period of time, I have had to let go of my mother, go through her entire house, storage shed, and barn all in one week. Now just weeks later the house itself is ready to go up for sale.

The feelings I am left with are breathless, ripping, pain. Like the intense pain of giving birth in 20 minutes instead of 20 hours. I try to not feel it during the day, count my blessings, etc...but in the middle of the night I wake up, my defenses down, the pain of loss overwhelms me. I feel helpless because there is no "rational" reason to any other course of action, yet I long for someone to understand and help me grieve this...but there is no one really.

Just when you think you have gone through the worst of it, you realize that you have to let go of yet another thing with no time to grieve its loss. Never again can I "go home". Someone else will live there, change the colors, remodel, or even neglect this beautiful home my Dad built and no one else ever lived in. I am now the stranger to that home and that town in central Oregon

Yes, I have my own home now, but letting go of these things takes time, time I was not given.

I used to call my Mom and talk about these difficult cases that come along in one's adult life but I can't do that either.

I had other subjects to blog about but I realized this is what consumes me now. To write about those other subjects right now would not give the necessary weight to what I am going through.

In all this probably the most disconcerting part is that most people in my circle of friends don't seem to have an understanding of this, so I am alone in this new pain...like a phantom moving about among the living with deep wounds that no one seems to be able to see or hear of.

So, the glowing ember of my childhood grows weak and I stand helplessly on the sidelines and watch as it grows weaker by days instead of fading over the years. There is no arm around my shoulders holding up knees that threaten to buckle in grief somedays. Husband Rod tries to help but really can't get into my head and heart on this one.

Can I get beyond this? Yes, I know others have...but somehow I feel that part of me is dying and I will carry that dead little girl with me to my grave... no one will know or care about her but me. I will miss her, I will not be the same person without her.

Summer traditions

We just returned from camping in central Oregon with my side of the family and our grown kids. This is now the only time we take the camper out...we used to take it out at least 3 times each summer...too much work and gas nowdays and our grown kids camp without us now.

The "Coopers" started camping together about 28 years ago and now it has become a beloved tradition with many memories of engagements, newly weds, babies, elderly parents, and a Saturday potluck that quiets us all down for a least an hour of summer feasting.

This was a tough year with my Mom just passing away in April. She was the "glue" that held us all together and the campout was her favorite weekend. I wondered if we could survive without her and Dad but somehow we just did what we always do.

When nephew Forrest sang and played my folks' favorite love ballad on the guitar I could not join in for the first time...I always used to look over at Mom and Dad and watch Daddy hold Mom's hand if she was close by, now the song brought tears to my eyes and my throat much too choked up to sing.

I have no sadness for them, now in the presence of Jesus and free of this burdensome life, but my heart still is tender for the loss of both parents in a way that can make a 50 something year old new grandmother feel small and child like again. They were so in love....it made us feel secure and hopeful to have that foundation all those years.

Now a new generation claims the traditons and songs. Little blond children bobbing in and out of trailers and playing at the base of tall trees hold the promise that this tradition will live on.

Do you think traditions are important? Are they worth working to keep them alive?

Go visit Gitta

My daughter Bethany's college roommate Brigitta is doing a stint at the mayo clinic this summer as part of her Seattle Pacific U. nursing school experience.
She has left the Seattle Wa. area for the summer and is living on site at the Mayo clinic in Rochester Minnesota and was placed with three total strangers (other nursing students)



She has also never blogged before this summer and is doing a BANG UP job of describing what it is like to transplant oneself from her native Seattle Wa to this great lakes part of the USA and all the interesting things one might encounter at one of the Mayo clinics.
I think she is a great blogger. Give her blog a visit...we gotta encourage this girl...she's a natural writer and I love going with her on her adventures! She only has access to the Internet sporadically so surprise her with some comments! See "Gittasadventures" link on my links.

My secret indulgence

I have an indulgence. It is Pepsodent tooth paste. Is it just me or is it hard to find in the stores these days.

I keep a tube in my travel kit so my mouth gets a little vacation too when we travel. I don't want to get tired of it so that way I don't.

I just discovered that Pepsodent has a unique flavor that I finally identified last week. It is not in your regular mint families but it is a flavoring used in lots of other personal products that I finally ID'd. Anyone want to guess what the flavor is?

Count backwards from ten to one...TAKE OFF!

I had to go back and see the nice doctors and nurses this week for a little followup procedure.
This one required full general anesthesia however. I knew someday I would have to face this!
Something about giving up control and being put completely out...I thought the conscious sedation for the colonoscopy was a big step earlier this month!
Everything turned out fine and now I won't be afraid if I have to have it again someday for a more serious condition.
I seem to worry about things like this more than most people. My doctor says it is because I was in the medical field and I know too much, but does that explain why I don't like to fly in commercial airplanes?
(If I could just check in with the cockpit and make sure everyone is feeling well, slept good last night?, no fight with the spouse or suicidal impulses today? Maybe a little interview with the plane mechanic.....)
Anyone else out there have these issues?