In between, I switched gears and got back into wedding plans for daughter Erin's June 9th wedding plus tried to get caught up at work after being in central Oregon for 10 days with my Mom before she died.
A plethora of emotions has kept my mind engaged as my body has soaked up much needed sleep with desperation.
I had unexpected emotions after my Mom's death; like feeling guilty for sleep, food, or even a hot bath...I knew she would not want that but somehow I felt frustrated to still be enjoying life when I could not relieve her suffering or keep her with us...it was as if I had failed her someway even tho I kept vigil at her bedside for many days. It has gotten better as the days have rolled by however and more and more I am able to realize the great release she is experiencing from terrible pain she has endured for months and the living condition changes she never really embraced. I know I will see her again so we are the ones to be pitied; left behind, unable to call her like I used to, a 50 something orphan in a sense, yet God does not leave us there.
How timely to send this little one to our family to press against this aching heart and fill it with new emotions of wonder and joy.
" Like as a father pitieth his children, so the LORD pitieth them that fear him.
For he knoweth our frame; he remembereth that we are dust.
As for man, his days are as grass: as a flower of the field, so he flourisheth. For the wind passeth over it, and it is gone; and the place thereof shall know it no more.
But the mercy of the LORD is from everlasting to everlasting upon them that fear him, and his righteousness unto children's children. " Psalms 103:13-17
